The mental load of mothers: are we talking about it?
Yes, a child is a lot of happiness, love and joy, but not only that… A few years ago, no one would have had the idea of associating mental load with becoming parents . And yet, the facts are there!
Who has never sent an email while doing their shopping for the week? Or took the quiche out of the oven and made the youngest child recite poetry? If you recognize yourself in these situations, it is because the subject of mental load may concern you!
Because every day, parents respond to a multitude of diverse and varied requests and sometimes, the camel's back can overflow!
So, to prevent the camel from overflowing, we went to talk to our partner Mother Nature Speaking! who recently released the “Mère Veilleuse” method. A method developed by two women: Ludivine Ferrer, founder of Mère Nature Speaking! and Nathalie Galloux, specialist in psychosocial risk prevention. The method aims to help mothers (and fathers) to depollute their minds which are (often) overloaded and exhausted. We tell you more.
Ludivine, founder of Mère Nature Speaking!, answers our questions:
Love & Green: Can you tell us what mental load is?
Mother Nature Speaking! : Mental load is defined as “ two universes, the professional universe and the domestic universe which coexist and encroach on one another ”. So it means thinking about what you are going to make to eat for the evening when you are in a meeting at work... And answering your emails while you are making your child do their evening homework... And this problem particularly affects mothers of family since it is often they who take charge of the logistical management of the family.
Love & Green: You say that the mental load mainly concerns mothers. They take it voluntarily?
Mother Nature Speaking! : Let's say that we moms feel like it's our duty to take care of a whole bunch of things... But, do we really need to do all that? And above all, why do we want to do all this? The answers to these questions will depend on our personal stories. Was your mother omnipresent or absent? Was she a housewife or did she work endless office hours? All of this will influence our model of the ideal mother that we all want to become.
Love & Green: Is the image of the “perfect” mother that we see on the networks false? Can social networks contribute to the deployment of mental load?
Mother Nature Speaking! : Yes, social networks also have a huge influence on the way we see the ideal mother. On Instagram, we can see many mothers showing off their family happiness... Which can give rise to complexes. But let's keep in mind that no one will post the photo of the youngest having a tantrum at the bakery. Person !
Love & Green: And to avoid overloading the mother, is it possible to distribute the mental load within the couple?
Mother Nature Speaking! : Of course ! But for that, you have to communicate. It is essential to talk about it with your partner while remaining kind . And above all, we avoid doing it when we are in the middle of a nervous breakdown. When we are overwhelmed, we are rarely calm, but for communication to work: we make time in our schedule and we think about the rules we want to establish.
Love & Green: And if not, are there “simple” and concrete solutions to implement to reduce your mental load?
Mother Nature Speaking! : Learning to better manage your mental load is a path during which you learn to manage your stress, to overcome your beliefs , to let go , to assert yourself, to communicate or even to organize yourself. So giving you “simple” solutions to implement, we don’t know if it’s possible! But we can try to give you a first clue. To start, you can list everything you do in a day by taking out a paper and a pencil (a did-list instead of a to-do list ). And we don't forget to add even tasks that may seem trivial to you (like picking up a sock that's lying around). We ask our partner to do the same. And then we compare the two lists to see if any reorganization is necessary.
If the parents concerned want to go further, they can participate in our Mother Nightlight workshops by video or in person. All information and registration dates are available: here .
Thank you to Ludivine for sharing her expertise with us and answering our questions!
If you would like to download the Mother Nightlight method for free, go to our partner’s website: https://merenaturespeaking.fr/
